Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
