I'm going to jail i love you
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize