Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
