LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
