Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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