I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
