i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize