i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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