i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
