shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found a bag of teeth...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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