My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
