I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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