Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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