This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
