Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize