census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
