im six kinds of drunk right now
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
