I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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