Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
