Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
