eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
