I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
