I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
