I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
