she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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