It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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