An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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