it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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