Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
