During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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