i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
