She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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