Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
