uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I believe in your delicious
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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