you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
