did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
