I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize