Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
