You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
me + whiskey = a bad person
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
