Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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