God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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