he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize