You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She is in my trunk
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
