you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
