Sry I called you an 8
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
