Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
