Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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