hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
