margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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