I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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