the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
