Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?

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(703): View more from Virginia

well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too

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(830): View more from Texas

we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem

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(434): View more from Virginia

Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...

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(541): View more from Oregon

I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too

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(561): View more from Florida

My alcoholism is old enough to drink.

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