he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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