pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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