If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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