____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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