Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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