Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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