and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
