I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize