she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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