I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
