im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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